Snorer

Its raining, it’s pouring
The man in the seat in front of me is snoring.
Actually, I reckon this fella has some major problems. For one thing this has got to be the loudest snore I have ever heard. As he drops off to sleep his mouth opens and his soft pallet drops back against his throat and voila!
He is extremely rotund, taking up two seats, he is so huge that his head doesn’t move it just sits on his neck like a golf ball on a tee. Everyone is staring and laughing at him and he is oblivious to it all.
It’s cold and windy and raining very heavily outside, people are getting on the train wet and cranky. Water is running down the stairs into the main part of the carriage as they leave their umbrellas to drain making the floor slippery. Most see a seat but realize as they get close that
a) They can’t wake him up and
b) They wouldn’t fit there anyway and
c) They couldn’t stand to sit there as they would probably have severe hearing loss by the end of their journey
The snoring is so loud. Long drawn out breaths in and out and the snore is on both the inward and outward breaths. Listening to it actually makes you a bit breathless as you cant help trying to keep up with it yourself. Incredible
Snnnnnnnnnnnork then 22 seconds silence snnnnnnnnnnneek, snnnnnnnnnnnork 22 seconds silence snnnnnnnnnnneek then a choking sound, hhhhack a swallow, gulp, 22 seconds silence– snnnnnnnnnnnork 22 seconds silence snnnnnnnnnnneek hhhack, gulp, 22 seconds etc..
I look over the top at his wedding finger. Surely not!!! No, I’m right, he is single there’s no ring. Imagine!!
Whoa, extra loud hhhaack there, he woke himself up.
Heeeeeeeeeeeee
I daren’t turn up my MP3 as I might send my eardrums through into my brain.
This has to stop. I don’t want to move, it’s cold and wet and I’m comfortable and I don’t want to stand up for the remainder of my trip.
So one annoyance deserves another I feel.
Whoops, my foot slams into the back of the seat. I can’t control it. There it goes again. Hhhhhhhhhhaaaack hark yon snorer wakes. I grab yesterdays newspaper from my bag (forgot to take it out last night thank goodness) every time he starts to drop off I give him the old herald snap right in the back of the head. So now it sounds like this….
Snnnnnnnnnnnork 22 snnnnnnnnnneek hhhhhack gulp SSSSSSSSSSMACK snort blink blink (that’s his eyes refocusing)
If I can keep this up for about 15 minutes we’ll be pulling into his station, he’ll get off and we’ll all get some peace. The lady next to me joins in with her Woman’s Weekly and clears her throat really loudly.
What a team. We should be lauded in the isles. We share a conspiritorial smile
Poor Mr Bellows never got a chance to sleep a wink after that.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha (read maniacal laugh)