Hmmmmmm hot chips. Someone has sat down nearby with hot chips. Where are they? They don’t smell like McDonalds poor excuse for a chip, they smell divine.
Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since 12 noon, well except for a monte carlo biscuit and a cuppa at 3. Au de fresh hot chips can send you mad on the train home especially if you only have a Jila mint to sustain you til dinner.
I can see the little blighter sitting two seats up, awwww they are wrapped up in butchers paper, I can smell vinegar too. Steam is coming up out of the small hole he has punched in the top of the paper.
My stomach is growling really loudly and I think I’m going to drown on the saliva I’m producing.
They are really hot too, he is burning his fingers just getting them out of the wrapper.
Oooops he has dropped one, did I just see someone move as if to grab it. Heeeeeeee obviously there are some other sufferers in here with me, boy you would have to be desperate to eat that one on the floor. Does the 3 second rule apply to train carriage floors. Oh……too late his boot heel just smashed it.
Cant concentrate, wonder if he would notice if I walked past and fell on him as the train rocked and snitched one? Maybe I could lead the All Stations to E H chip revolt of 07. As the leader I would be entitled to the bulk of the spoils but I would be generous and toss hot chips to my loyal revoltees as we crawl home.
We could grab chip eater and stake (hmmmmm steak) him out on the floor and whip a chip past his nose on it’s way to our mouth. We could open up the bag and place it on his chest while we all help ourselves to his chips, the 3rd degree burns to his nipples should be a reminder not to bring his instruments of torture among the hungry homeward bound.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo he has just eaten the last chip and is licking his fingers. Damn, I should have moved quicker, there goes the wrapper into his bag. At least he isn't a tosser.
7 stations to go til I'm home, I might have to stop for something to take the edge off............sniff...hmmmmmmmmmm sniff sniff juicy fruit chewing gum.......
Friday 13 July 2007
Thursday 12 July 2007
a cold wind blows
I’ve been reliably informed that it’s about 8 degrees outside today with a wind chill factor of minus 2.
Winter attire is a must; it’s a difficult task finding something to wear on a winter’s day in Sydney's climate as on most days it is relatively mild.
The dressing task is made all the more problematic when traveling into work on a train. On my line we have mostly the old silver double decker trains with no air conditioning. On a stinking hot, 40 degree day it is like sitting in an oven without any ventilation and on a freezing cold day it becomes a freezer box which has a cold breeze blowing through it. How does this happen? You can never get a hint of a breeze in summer but in winter the train walls may as well be made out of lattice.
Anyway I digress
I am wearing every stitch of warm clothing I own; coat, scarf, gloves, spencer, I am even risking hat head with a beanie. As I walk from my car to the station I have to keep up a brisk pace as it feels like I will freeze to the asphalt if I slow down. On the station we are up high, looking down onto the shopping centre, so there aren’t any buildings or trees to shelter us from the wind. I hide behind a person who is waiting for the train but they get the dirts and move. Everyone is flapping their arms and stamping their feet to keep warm – guess what!!!!! YES. The train is 10 minutes late!
Finally the damn thing arrives and what good luck we have been blessed with a ‘millennium train’ the pride of the cityrail fleet, the most modern, the best , the crème de la crème. Well on this train the crème was curdled due to the excessive heat. It hit you as the door opened. As I walked in I started peeling off my layers thinking that I was feeling hot because it was so bloody cold outside but soon realized that it was really really hot it there. Lordy it must be 40 degrees. I’m still stripping and having trouble finding room in my bag for all the extra clothing, I even manage to wriggle out of my spencer under my shirt without losing modesty. A couple of passengers check the two carriages either side of ours and report back that they are in a similar situation. We send a delegation to the guard, who says that he cannot change the temperature as he is new and doesn’t know how. Ok for him he can open the door and let in some fresh air, which he is doing!
This is just ridiculous, what sort of idiot just lets the passengers cook like this? Why doesn’t he use the mobile phone they keep telling us the guard has and ask someone how to turn down the heat? I’m sure the driver would know. Don’t they have an emergency person they can talk to? I’m sure that if I stay on this train a moment longer I am going to faint, so I gather up my scattered clothing and make for the door and get out onto the station. As the train is pulling out I am franticly trying to get my spencer back on without removing my shirt (nowhere as easy as getting it off) bugger it I put it on over the shirt, put the coat on over that and wrap my scarf back around my neck, put on the gloves and the beanie and sit on another freezing cold station waiting for the next enthralling ride. Hope the train comes before my buns freeze to the seat.
Winter attire is a must; it’s a difficult task finding something to wear on a winter’s day in Sydney's climate as on most days it is relatively mild.
The dressing task is made all the more problematic when traveling into work on a train. On my line we have mostly the old silver double decker trains with no air conditioning. On a stinking hot, 40 degree day it is like sitting in an oven without any ventilation and on a freezing cold day it becomes a freezer box which has a cold breeze blowing through it. How does this happen? You can never get a hint of a breeze in summer but in winter the train walls may as well be made out of lattice.
Anyway I digress
I am wearing every stitch of warm clothing I own; coat, scarf, gloves, spencer, I am even risking hat head with a beanie. As I walk from my car to the station I have to keep up a brisk pace as it feels like I will freeze to the asphalt if I slow down. On the station we are up high, looking down onto the shopping centre, so there aren’t any buildings or trees to shelter us from the wind. I hide behind a person who is waiting for the train but they get the dirts and move. Everyone is flapping their arms and stamping their feet to keep warm – guess what!!!!! YES. The train is 10 minutes late!
Finally the damn thing arrives and what good luck we have been blessed with a ‘millennium train’ the pride of the cityrail fleet, the most modern, the best , the crème de la crème. Well on this train the crème was curdled due to the excessive heat. It hit you as the door opened. As I walked in I started peeling off my layers thinking that I was feeling hot because it was so bloody cold outside but soon realized that it was really really hot it there. Lordy it must be 40 degrees. I’m still stripping and having trouble finding room in my bag for all the extra clothing, I even manage to wriggle out of my spencer under my shirt without losing modesty. A couple of passengers check the two carriages either side of ours and report back that they are in a similar situation. We send a delegation to the guard, who says that he cannot change the temperature as he is new and doesn’t know how. Ok for him he can open the door and let in some fresh air, which he is doing!
This is just ridiculous, what sort of idiot just lets the passengers cook like this? Why doesn’t he use the mobile phone they keep telling us the guard has and ask someone how to turn down the heat? I’m sure the driver would know. Don’t they have an emergency person they can talk to? I’m sure that if I stay on this train a moment longer I am going to faint, so I gather up my scattered clothing and make for the door and get out onto the station. As the train is pulling out I am franticly trying to get my spencer back on without removing my shirt (nowhere as easy as getting it off) bugger it I put it on over the shirt, put the coat on over that and wrap my scarf back around my neck, put on the gloves and the beanie and sit on another freezing cold station waiting for the next enthralling ride. Hope the train comes before my buns freeze to the seat.
The smorgasbord
I’m vestibuling today.
Opposite are 2 young ladies with a smorgasbord of food. Extra large Gloria Jean’s coffees, packets of Smith’s Crisps, donuts & chocolate. All the food is in 2 plastic grocery bags, they had been shopping at Woolies for morning tea at work it seems.
To my astonishment they start opening packets and stuffing their faces. THIS IS THEIR BREAKFAST! Donuts first then the chips, a big swill of coffee and then a packet of tim tams (a whole packet between them) a bread roll with cheese and bacon on top, more coffee and now dessert……chocolate. This is their start to the day? whatever happened to a muesli bar and an apple? Their gluttony is really offensive, not only are they eating enough food to feed an orphanage in Bangladesh for a week they are eating it with all the decorum of a pack of seagulls outside a fish and chip shop. Screaming and laughing and snatching food off each other. A decline in your personal respectability must be being sprayed with ½ masticated chips while jamming a whole donut in your face to stop your friend taking it.
I must add here that neither are Twiggy and after what I’ve just witnessed I would say that they will be more like Hoss in a couple of years.
After the orgy the wrappers, polystyrene cups, bags etc are scattered over the seat and floor. Neither girl put the rubbish in the plastic bags that they had handy.
As we pulled into Central station both rose and made to walk to the exit. One of them actually looked behind her to check for something…..who knows…..maybe she was sitting on a chip. She sure didn’t seem to see the litter she had left there.
I’m in outrage mode by now and prepare myself to launch into a tirade, I even had my mouth open ready to take a big deep breath when a man sitting a few seats up from me stands in front of the girls and shows them his badge. YES a railway cop incognito. Heeeeee. He gives them the option of a $200 fine or pick up the litter. They opt for picking up (with bad grace I might add) 200 bucks buys a lot of junk food.
Opposite are 2 young ladies with a smorgasbord of food. Extra large Gloria Jean’s coffees, packets of Smith’s Crisps, donuts & chocolate. All the food is in 2 plastic grocery bags, they had been shopping at Woolies for morning tea at work it seems.
To my astonishment they start opening packets and stuffing their faces. THIS IS THEIR BREAKFAST! Donuts first then the chips, a big swill of coffee and then a packet of tim tams (a whole packet between them) a bread roll with cheese and bacon on top, more coffee and now dessert……chocolate. This is their start to the day? whatever happened to a muesli bar and an apple? Their gluttony is really offensive, not only are they eating enough food to feed an orphanage in Bangladesh for a week they are eating it with all the decorum of a pack of seagulls outside a fish and chip shop. Screaming and laughing and snatching food off each other. A decline in your personal respectability must be being sprayed with ½ masticated chips while jamming a whole donut in your face to stop your friend taking it.
I must add here that neither are Twiggy and after what I’ve just witnessed I would say that they will be more like Hoss in a couple of years.
After the orgy the wrappers, polystyrene cups, bags etc are scattered over the seat and floor. Neither girl put the rubbish in the plastic bags that they had handy.
As we pulled into Central station both rose and made to walk to the exit. One of them actually looked behind her to check for something…..who knows…..maybe she was sitting on a chip. She sure didn’t seem to see the litter she had left there.
I’m in outrage mode by now and prepare myself to launch into a tirade, I even had my mouth open ready to take a big deep breath when a man sitting a few seats up from me stands in front of the girls and shows them his badge. YES a railway cop incognito. Heeeeee. He gives them the option of a $200 fine or pick up the litter. They opt for picking up (with bad grace I might add) 200 bucks buys a lot of junk food.
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